Finally able to breathe

I really didn't think it would take this long for the feeling to start to get manageable. I seriously have had moments where it was hard to take a breath. This morning when Allison threw some food on the floor I realized that those bits would remain until picked up. The jingling of collar tags and sniffing sounds would not be heard this morning. Watching that wagging giant tail as he made his way around the kitchen "cleaning up" whatever he could find. (He loved it when we had foster kids and the foster kids loved him when they didn't want to eat their meal!) It reminds me of his last morning when I let him out to go potty, he managed to gain enough strength to chase the birds out of the yard for one last time. I remember thinking that it was his one last act of joy. He hadn't chased a bird in months and there he was. He must have heard them because we were sure he didn't see anything anymore.

One thing I know about grief, it doesn't go away. You just build up strength to handle the pain and deal with the sadness. Like my Dad says, "I don't want to get over it, just through it".

A Tribute

Comfort and Dignity

Diginity, that's not a word I was thinking of until the vet came in this morning. She was so loving and gentle with Shadow. I told her that I hoped she hadn't minded us choosing her but that she had fought so hard to help heal him and make him better. She smiled gently, shook her head and said that she didn't mind. She wanted to make sure that Shadow had his dignity. I was so amazed at how peaceful he went. I had his head on my leg for the first part and had to move so that she could get a better vein. As DH and continued to stroke his head, he started to snore and then just laid there peacefully. I am comforted by the fact that he didn't have to die during a seizure of fall down trying to go potty. I appreciate the fact that the Dr. Bethany patted him on the head and gave my hand a pat of reassurance as she left the room so that we could be alone with our sweet , gentle friend.

Thanks again for all of the comfort and support. Today I'll run the gammit of emotions and try to find a special ornament that's just right to honor my big boy. (Our family buys a new ornament when someone in the family has left us during that year.)

For now...Hope

Monday is the day

Everyone at my house is sad. I'm just tired so I'm laying around alot. I have an appointment with Dr. Bethany on Monday morning and I won't feel sick anymore. I know my family loves me and I try to show them with my eyes. My lady says I am still very gentle and she can't stand to see me hurt anymore.

Here is a recap of my life. My first lady adopted me when my brother was adopted across the street from her. The man and lady at that house had a farm and loved me very much. They said that I was there to help the lady when she stopped feeling good. When she got too sick, they had to move and my new lady is her daughter. There is a teenager and a little girl in their house. Even though the man of the house likes cats (I still don't get that) he took good care of me too. The last year of my life I got to go play agility equipment and show how good I could listen to my teenager. I must have done good because we brought home alot of ribbons.

Thank you to all of my friends who have come by to encourage me. A special shout out to Bear for enouraging my lady to let me have my own blog. There aren't a lot of dogs who get one. Don't feel sorry for me, I have had a nice life. My family will miss me for a long time but that means they had a lot of happy times with me. Thanks again for stopping by and if you think of my family, pray for them .

Shadow

I don't feel very good :(

I've been very sick. It started right before the Fair this year (I won a reserve champion ribbon) when I went to see Dr. Liann. She said I had a tumor on my leg and that I would have to have surgery. I had my tumor removed in October and I haven't felt good ever since then. I fall over alot now and my lady says that I have at least three seizures. I went and saw Dr. Bethany and Dr. Russ, they both think I might have had a stroke. I walk in circle all the time and forget to wait until I get outside to go potty. The hardest thing for my people is to see me fall down so much. My lady cries alot and even though I have new medicine, I'm going to have to go to the Dr. one more time. I'm too confused to know what's going on.

Don't be sad for me, I've had a good life with a family that loves me very much.