shadow's thoughts

It Still Hurts

2007-06-30T22:27:00.001-07:00

I don't know why but tonight, it just washed over me again. The loss of my dear friend Shadow. I would have never guessed it would take so long to recover but it has. Rachel's new dog, Zuko, didn't work out. She now has a kitten but it will never take the place of Shadow. I have no idea why that is one place that won't heal but it is.

*sigh*

2007-02-06T15:42:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to add this sweet poem that Shadow's blog buddy Bear sent to me.

I am breathing a bit easier now and preoccupied with Allison's health needs. I still miss Shadow and was touched by the fact that a Vet that saw him months ago remembered him. (No one who met him would forget)

We now have a new dog (a little too soon) but he is starting to fit in. He will never be Shadow nor will he replace him. He is definitely his own dog, too busy to sit down and write a blog but nevertheless, we are not dogless which was very sad....

Finally able to breathe

2006-12-10T15:22:00.000-08:00

I really didn't think it would take this long for the feeling to start to get manageable. I seriously have had moments where it was hard to take a breath. This morning when Allison threw some food on the floor I realized that those bits would remain until picked up. The jingling of collar tags and sniffing sounds would not be heard this morning. Watching that wagging giant tail as he made his way around the kitchen "cleaning up" whatever he could find. (He loved it when we had foster kids and the foster kids loved him when they didn't want to eat their meal!) It reminds me of his last morning when I let him out to go potty, he managed to gain enough strength to chase the birds out of the yard for one last time. I remember thinking that it was his one last act of joy. He hadn't chased a bird in months and there he was. He must have heard them because we were sure he didn't see anything anymore.

One thing I know about grief, it doesn't go away. You just build up strength to handle the pain and deal with the sadness. Like my Dad says, "I don't want to get over it, just through it".

A Tribute

2006-12-04T14:56:00.000-08:00

Comfort and Dignity

2006-12-04T09:37:00.000-08:00

Diginity, that's not a word I was thinking of until the vet came in this morning. She was so loving and gentle with Shadow. I told her that I hoped she hadn't minded us choosing her but that she had fought so hard to help heal him and make him better. She smiled gently, shook her head and said that she didn't mind. She wanted to make sure that Shadow had his dignity. I was so amazed at how peaceful he went. I had his head on my leg for the first part and had to move so that she could get a better vein. As DH and continued to stroke his head, he started to snore and then just laid there peacefully. I am comforted by the fact that he didn't have to die during a seizure of fall down trying to go potty. I appreciate the fact that the Dr. Bethany patted him on the head and gave my hand a pat of reassurance as she left the room so that we could be alone with our sweet , gentle friend.

Thanks again for all of the comfort and support. Today I'll run the gammit of emotions and try to find a special ornament that's just right to honor my big boy. (Our family buys a new ornament when someone in the family has left us during that year.)

For now...Hope

Monday is the day

2006-12-02T13:23:00.000-08:00

Everyone at my house is sad. I'm just tired so I'm laying around alot. I have an appointment with Dr. Bethany on Monday morning and I won't feel sick anymore. I know my family loves me and I try to show them with my eyes. My lady says I am still very gentle and she can't stand to see me hurt anymore.

Here is a recap of my life. My first lady adopted me when my brother was adopted across the street from her. The man and lady at that house had a farm and loved me very much. They said that I was there to help the lady when she stopped feeling good. When she got too sick, they had to move and my new lady is her daughter. There is a teenager and a little girl in their house. Even though the man of the house likes cats (I still don't get that) he took good care of me too. The last year of my life I got to go play agility equipment and show how good I could listen to my teenager. I must have done good because we brought home alot of ribbons.

Thank you to all of my friends who have come by to encourage me. A special shout out to Bear for enouraging my lady to let me have my own blog. There aren't a lot of dogs who get one. Don't feel sorry for me, I have had a nice life. My family will miss me for a long time but that means they had a lot of happy times with me. Thanks again for stopping by and if you think of my family, pray for them .

Shadow

I don't feel very good :(

2006-12-01T23:27:00.000-08:00

I've been very sick. It started right before the Fair this year (I won a reserve champion ribbon) when I went to see Dr. Liann. She said I had a tumor on my leg and that I would have to have surgery. I had my tumor removed in October and I haven't felt good ever since then. I fall over alot now and my lady says that I have at least three seizures. I went and saw Dr. Bethany and Dr. Russ, they both think I might have had a stroke. I walk in circle all the time and forget to wait until I get outside to go potty. The hardest thing for my people is to see me fall down so much. My lady cries alot and even though I have new medicine, I'm going to have to go to the Dr. one more time. I'm too confused to know what's going on.

Don't be sad for me, I've had a good life with a family that loves me very much.

Its so wet!!

2005-12-30T15:12:00.000-08:00

I know that this is nothing like the neighborhoods that my friend Bear lives in but it so different for us. My potty place is wet and I don't like going out there are all. The water that is nearby has grown up onto my bathroom so I can't go out where its private. On the bright side, my family bought me a great bed for Christmas! What a great day that was! On the next day, there was a whole bunch of giggly teenagers that wanted to pet me and play with me. They even sang to my teenager and ate some great food that they dropped on the floor for me to eat. One of the pieces of food even had fire on it. They didn't drop any of that though.

Here I am at Christmas:

This is my bathroom:

Until next time,

Our pretty tree

2005-12-08T10:45:00.000-08:00

My buddy Bear asked if our tree looks pretty at night. Actually, its beautiful! My lady and my teenager decoarted after the man put on the lights. Here's a picture. Its not that easy to see here but you get the idea. I've been knocking things off every once and a while. I think it disappoints my people to find broken balls but afterall, they did block my window! What's a dog suppose to do?

Rumor has it I get to take a walk today! Tomorrow night I get to go to a 4H training with my teenager. I can't wait!

Until Next Time,

Shadow

I'm Confused...

2005-11-30T18:18:00.000-08:00

Everyone knows that I'm not allowed to pee in the house. So will some one please explain why they put a tree in the parlor? I'm not even going to try to use it. They put lights on it and that just seems like it would be a big mistake. They all seemed to have fun putting it up and putting fun little toys all over it. The worst part may have been when they tried to make me wear the red hat with fuzz on it.

Here I am at Thanksgiving.

My person is tired so I'll let her get some rest....

Until next time,

Shadow

burp

2005-11-26T21:10:00.000-08:00

Well, its true, good things come to those who wait. We finally ate our turkey today! Everyone is feeling better today. Well, mostly better, the man in my house still looks like he should eat some grass but everyone still sat down to a nice dinner. I even got the giblets! Of course I took it out of my dish, held it in my mouth for a while and then sat in the kitchen to eat it. I got the man's leftovers too. It was very good. Now its time for me to go rest. I have a feeling that I'm going to get to go on a very long walk tomorrow after my people get home from church. Besides, my Administrative Assistant is getting whacky with the smilies tonight. Obviously too much Tryptophan...

Happy Late Thanksgiving,
Shadow

Where's the Turkey?

2005-11-24T21:40:00.000-08:00

I'm not really sure what happened. I know that my people are all feeling yucky now. It started after the pies were baked and the yams were in the fridge. Everyone had gone to bed. Then the lights went on and people were up, taking medicine and drinking ginger ale. So you can guess what happened this morning....nothing. They all just laid around looking tired and watched tv. I guess no one felt like eating because they never even put the turkey in. I know they have turkey because I've seen them bring them in from shopping. Did I say them? Yeah, well, some people can't pass up a deal so somehow (I won't name names...), there are more turkeys than people. Good thing there's another freezer in the garage. I hope this mean we'll be having lots of company! I love when people some to see me.

Until Next Time,

Shadow

What a Yukky Sickness!

2005-11-22T19:48:00.000-08:00

Alli is sick now. She has what Rachel had and its so sad. I heard my family cancel their Thanksgiving plans so they don't get their friends sick. Hopefully no one else gets it and that Alli doesn't have to go to the hospital. What is just the flu for some people, is really hard on her. I know my people will be praying for her.

On a better note, I am very happy that my man person brought some nice rugs for the front room. Its soft and my fur blends in so maybe my lady won't be so cranky. As you can, imagine it's great to roll on.

Until next time,
Shadow

A Better Morning

2005-11-21T11:58:00.000-08:00

It looks like my teenager is feeling better. My lady person looks tired because she sat watch all night. That worked out fine for me because I got to sit in the front room with her. I like it better than my room because I have much more freedom. I'm just glad that Rachel is doing better. She's watching old movies on the couch right now. Maybe my lady will take me for a walk later. Its such a beautiful Fall day. I would hate to wait all day like my friend Bear. Stop by and say Hi to him. He lives near New Orleans and has had quite a busy Autumn himself.

Last week when we marched in the Veterans Day parade we took this picture. My friends all came out for my birthday! People lined the streets to celebrate! I am with my teenager. Don't I look handsome in my bandana?

I better go lay down, I need my 18 hours of sleep today! I hope all is well in your portion of the world!

Until Next time,
Shadow

Its a bit of a sad day

2005-11-20T20:51:00.000-08:00

My teenager must need to eat grass or something. She is on the couch now but she has made several trips to my alternative drinking source. The man already went to the store and bought some stuff for her but she doesn't seem to be able to eat or drink it. Its extra sad because I heard that she was going to go with her friend to spend the night after the "Red Rain" concert at our church. I knew she must have felt awful she wouldn't have missed it unless she felt horrible. My man and lady prayed for her tonight so she'll probably get better soon. They asked Jesus to heal her and I've heard them say that He does that. I'll go lay on my clean blanket now and dream of that big giant pillow.

Until next time,

Shadow

Scary Flying Thing!

2005-11-19T14:14:00.000-08:00

I was laying around, minding my own business when it happened! The washing machine started shaking and BAM, louder than Emeril cooking Gumbo, this orange thing falls down on the floor! This blue liquid starts spilling out over all over my blanket and my people came running to see what was wrong. I was so scared! I got to run outside for a few minutes and when I came back, my blanket was in the washer. How crazy was that.

My friend Bear asked if I've ever had my tail ran over by Alli's wheelchair. I can't recall having that happen. Its usually wagging so fast and high as I run along side that it stays out of the way. Its a pretty powerful tail anyway. I can clear coffee tables without any effort at all. It also gives me away when I try to act bored or sad, it just starts bumping on the floor making a "whack whack whack" sound. Even when I lay my head on my paws, it bangs around with a mind of its own.

This is Alli waiting for the school bus in her wheelchair. Isn't she cute? She is the happiest person I have ever met! She likes to clap, listen to music and watch movies. Her favorite one is about an orange fish who gets lost in the ocean. Whenever she watches it, she laughs and all of my other people smile. I better go lay on the floor so my teenager can lay next to me and pet me. It makes her happy and I don't want to disappoint her.

My Morning

2005-11-18T11:10:00.000-08:00

I started off the morning in the family room. I' m really not allowed in there but when my people are sleeping, I sneak in and get comfy. Its kind of funny, when the man person of the house comes down in the morning, I run over to the other rug in the front room before he can see me. I don't think he knows that I snuck in because I don't get in trouble. He just talks to me in a funny voice and says my name like he's questioning my behavior.

When the schoolbus came this morning, the lady left the door open and I got to run out and see the aide. She was wearing dark clothes and dodged me as I tried to rub up against her. I don't know why everyon in dark clothes tries to avoid me. I think a patch of white fur is attractive! Well, Alli's aide and the man of our house don't think so. (The lady of the house walks around with a lint brush....*sigh*)

This is a picture of me while my people were eating breakfast. I always sit by the messy one (the teenager) because she always manages to drop a bite in my direction. It sounds like she got caught this morning because I heard her name called and it sounded like when someone thinks I've been sleeping in the family room. (btw, Yummy popovers!)

I don't want to spoil Christmas or anything but I hope I get a bed that looks like a giant pillow. Brinkley from "You've Got Mail" has a nice one. Lucky dog...

I better go back to work guarding the front room. You never know who is coming over just to see me. I don't have 4H again until next week but the teenager is supposed to practice with me soon. Maybe I can talk her into taking me into a walk after her chores. (Of course it wouldn't hurt the lady of the house to get out and get some exercise...but you didn't hear me say that)

Until Next Time,
Shadow

It really is a Dog's Life

2005-11-17T23:35:00.000-08:00

Hi,

Well, it seems that everyone has their own blog these days and I just could'nt be left out. So, I'll be sharing about my days (my nights are fairly boring) of going to 4H with my mistress, walking in the Veterans Parade and protecting the house for my family. I'll also be sure to talk about Alli. She's the littlest person that lives with us. She uses a wheelchair and rides a special bus to school. I make sure that the people in the house know when the bus gets here. I used to go out and greet the bus driver but the new one gets a little bothered by my enthusiam. I just wait inside while they load or unload Alli.

Thanks for stopping by!

Until next time,
Shadow